Guys ask me all the time. What am doing wrong? Lonely guys need to realize that Second Life is transactional. And the exchange rate doesn’t work in their favor.
Pay to Play
“There’s no such thing as a free lunch.” So, the saying goes. Put another way, life is transactional. Even if it appears that something is free, a price is being paid. Everything has a cost. As it goes in life, it follows in Second Life. Every relationship in SL involves an exchange. Some transactions are formalized. Others are so casual as to be invisible. But the exchange still happens.
For example, most of my time in Second Life is dedicated to my role as a fashion blogger. Designers give me products for free. In exchange, I promote their product to my followers. I agree to abide by certain rules which are specific to every store. The store, in turn, gets access to my audience which can help them grow their business.
For a time, I worked as an escort. The transnationality of the job was part of its appeal. The terms were agreed to up front. The establishment had rules and prices listed publicly. Everyone knew what they were getting. There were no unpleasant surprises. There were no hurt feelings. It was in many ways, ideal.
Since my career as a sex worker ended, things have gotten more complicated. As an escort, I was shielded from guys who didn’t want to pay for sex. Those guys didn’t even set foot in the door. If they did, they’d be shown the exit once they made it clear they weren’t paying customers. Now I find that every guy I meet is a new negotiation. Expectations aren’t as clear. Transactional terms need to be worked out.
I have a lot of options. I considered going back into sex work just reduce demands on my time. But that comes with other obligations. It’s a tradeoff. I could also ignore these guys. That is a very popular alternative from what I am being told. I’m not really built that way. I try my best to respond if I’m not AFK.
Transactionality
This comes back to transnationality. Outside of an agreed upon exchange, no one in Second Life owes anybody anything. That’s a hard truth to swallow. When I apply to a store as a blogger, I prefer to have some acknowledgment of my application. If I get a nice note with a rejection, it doesn’t sting so badly. I’m not owed a note. I would certainly send one if I were rejecting an applicant for my store (if I had one). But neither side is under any obligation.
I have a lot of “male” friends in Second Life. I’m putting “male” in quotes here because I have no idea who they are in the real world. As always, I will take avatars at face value because to do otherwise is madness. Some of them pay for female company. Others do not. Currently, I’m not charging anyone. I don’t even have any active daddies. I need to get on that in the new year!
There are a lot of lonely guys in my Second Life right now. They all tell similar stories. Women are only interested in them for their money. Some of these guys have been burned pretty badly. Here’s what happens. Guys go into these informal transactions assuming that their Lindens will buy them companionship. But if nothing has been agreed upon, there are no guarantees. The recipient can take the money and run.
A smart girl will give up a little sugar. If a guy is paying, she probably wants to keep him happy. But if someone else comes along offering more or the payments dry up, she moves on. The transaction is complete. If the buyer is unsatisfied, it’s because they failed right at the beginning. They should have negotiated more favorable terms. (Exception: Rip-off artists. Be smart with your money, guys. Don’t get taken.)
Of course, this takes it closer to sex work. If you’re negotiating money for sex, that’s what it is. And some people aren’t interested in that. That’s fine. Then you need to bring something else to the table. It’s a different kind of transaction. But make no mistake. A transaction is still happening.
Ideally, guys want to trade their time for ours. An even exchange. That is typically how it works in the real world (putting aside guys paying for dates, etc). But bear in mind bimbo economics. I call it that because it’s specific to me. There is a limited supply (yours truly) and a comparatively high demand. As demand exceeds supply, I should be charging y’all for my company. That’s just math. But I don’t because I’m a sweetheart.
Coming Up Short
As the world’s kindest bimbo, I have been trying to help some of these guys find the companionship they seek. I’m going to be honest with you. My male friends suck at taking advice. A lot of them do NOT want to hear it. Instead of changing their behavior, they just keep doing the same things and wondering why the outcome never changes. Yep, definition of insanity.
Some of those guys are reading these words. The ones who need it the most probably are not. Sadly, I can’t help everybody. But hey, if you’re a lonely guy in Second Life, pay attention. I’m going to tell you some secrets. Most of y’all are doing it wrong. And the ones who aren’t are probably paying for the sins of others.
Women in Second Life are constantly approached by strangers. A lot of them are creepy. It is hard to tell the good ones from the bad actors. A lot of us have given up. I’m a straight woman in real life. Yet, I’m very proudly partnered to a woman in Second Life. I haven’t met a man who even comes close to Darden.
What does Darden do that most men don’t? Largely, it comes down to this. She takes an interest in me. My thoughts. My opinions. My projects. Even my extra marital adventures. There’s no jealousy. We support each other in everything. Share all the details of our Second Lives. And bits and pieces of real life as well. Always respecting each other’s boundaries. Guys, respect our boundaries. Seriously.
Female Perspective
One of my oldest friends in Second Life told me he has a female alt. Long before we met, he used the alt to find out how the other half lives. He says it was a useful experience because he learned what it was like to be a woman in SL. I’m not suggesting that guys should follow suit. But it’s worth consideration. I can’t think of a faster way to learn what not to do than walking a mile in my stilettos.
Alternatively, put yourself in our places to the best of your ability. Try to understand our side of the transaction. What do we want out of Second Life? A lot of us want to buy stuff. Being cute ain’t cheap. We need those sweet, sweet Lindens to keep up our style. Companionship? Guys are constantly begging for my time. If all you’re going to do is hump my avatar while beating off at your keyboard, that’s a hard pass.
Guys need to ask themselves, what am I bringing to the transaction? What do I have to offer that she can’t get easily from someone else? If you’re not offering money, you gotta have something else. And no, most of us don’t care about the big dick you bought. You need to find a unique way to stand out. Differentiate yourself from the dozens of other guys hitting on us everywhere we go.
It really is a tough problem. For a certain percentage of women (probably more than half), you’re coming to the table at a deficit. It may not be romantic, but I think it’s helpful to think about the issue pragmatically. It’s a transaction. There is no free lunch. Think about what you want and what you’re willing to give to get it.
If it’s money, agree to the terms up front. If you go into a casual exchange, expect to keep paying the maximum amount indefinitely. That’s what you have silently agreed to. If you’re not willing to open your wallet, you better find out fast what your intended wants from you. More often than not, it’s not going to work. Expect rejection.
It is possible to find a mutually beneficial relationship in Second Life. Just understand that the odds are not in men’s favor. It’s a delicate balance. Take an interest but don’t smother. Pursue but don’t harass. Never ever act like you’re entitled to a woman’s time. No one owes anyone anything. Deep down, this is all a transaction. It’s on you to find something of value you can offer in exchange for a woman’s time.
Okay, some tough love there. Big bouncy bimbo love to y’all. I really do hope you find what you’re looking for.
xoxo
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