Monogamy in Second Life: Is One on One Sexy

When I picked up Second Life, I had no idea it had sex in it. Swear to god. At most, I expected something like The Sims. I can’t remember how long it took someone to proposition me for the first time, but it wasn’t long. Since then, I’ve experimented with a lot of different varieties of simulated virtual sex. Today’s topic: Monogamy.

Monogamy and Bimbos

Let’s start off with the question some of you are asking. “Lacey, you’re a bimbo…” Then you make that face like “bimbos are supposed to be horny sluts”. And then I make a face back… a disapproving face that says “you haven’t been reading my blog have you” and you feel bad. No one wants that so let’s just skip to the point.

I’m always writing about the “bimbo” label. People slap the word “bimbo” on you as a limitation. Like “bimbos” are only one thing. And the thing they have in mind is the most reductive use of the term. I reject that. To me, “bimbo” is only additive. You can be any kind of bimbo you want to be. That includes a faithful, monogamous bimbo.

The prime example of this is a trophy wife. A cheating trophy is gonna find herself cut off real quick. Trophies can be replaced. It’s the flip side of bimbo economics. The demand for my time exceeds the supply which is why I used to work as an escort.

However, wealthy sugar daddies are in much higher demand and shorter supply than buxom blonde bimbos. That’s a hard truth for any potential trophy wife. We have to mind our p’s and q’s. That’s just math. For a trophy, monogamy is essential.

Consequences

Real life sex has consequences. Most obviously there is the potential for pregnancy or an STD. You don’t have to worry about those things in Second Life. In fact, you have to opt in to them should you wish to role play those scenarios. A lot of the arguments in favor of real life monogamy just don’t apply in the real world.

Additionally, Second Life is much more transitory than reality. People come and go depending on real life factors or sometimes even just boredom. Heck, the whole platform might vanish suddenly. This could happen if a spreadsheet indicates that Second Life is not financially viable.

Point being, we’re not going to grow old with our Second Life partners. Monogamy doesn’t change that. And even if we did, we’re not going to be able to care for each other in old age. That real life incentive for monogamy does not exist in a digital world.

There’s also the issue of scheduling. A past partner of mine lived an ocean away from me. The time difference often meant he was waking up as I was going to sleep and vice versa. A lot of our on-line time was spent apart. To my mind, it doesn’t make sense to expect virtual celibacy when we’re apart.

As the song goes, “If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.”

Feelings

I think I’ve laid out some pretty compelling arguments against monogamy in Second Life. However, that doesn’t mean I’m against it. I’ve been monogamous in Second Life. I am largely monogamous now just by virtue of my busy schedule. When I’m not with my partner, I’m probably blogging. And a lot of times when I’m blogging, my partner is still with me.

Just like in the real world, we form bonds through sex in Second Life. One-offs can be fun. But they won’t be as rewarding sex with a partner who knows your likes and dislikes. The relationships we build in Second Life are real even if nothing else is. How real will vary. It’s unhealthy to prioritize Second Life over reality. It’s a good idea to remember that real people and their feelings are involved.

I have broken some hearts in Second Life. It’s not something I feel good about. I do my best not to hurt anyone. For a long time, I avoided romantic relationships in Second Life for that reason. Monogamy just made the break-ups more painful. I have also had my feelings hurt. This happened at least once when I felt like the person I chose didn’t prioritize me. No one is immune.

Different Strokes

If you’re seeing someone in Second Life, this is a conversation you should have. Are we committed? If so, how much? What’s allowed?

I met my current partner, Darden, when I was working as an escort. We were dating while I was a sex worker. She supported me even when it meant I was having sex with someone else. Even though I’m no longer hooking, we’ve maintained that dynamic in our relationship.

We’re both free to do whatever we want to in the moment, but we’ll always come back together. It works for us. When I was considering role playing a pregnancy with someone else, we talked about the implications. We’re constantly making adjustments when Second Life throws surprises our way. That’s how any good relationship works.

It should go without saying, but these things are between the people in the partnership. I am writing this partly because someone tried to shame Darden. They did this for having a little fun on a nude beach while I was away. The same thing has happened to me in the past. Why do people do this?

Monogamy in partnerships should not be assumed. Don’t butt your head in where it doesn’t belong. I’m partnered. That doesn’t mean I won’t have sex with you. There’s probably another reason why I won’t have sex with you, but it won’t be because I have a partner.

If I do have sex with you, don’t expect me to leave my partner. I’m just having some fun. We can even have a relationship. But SL only affords us one partnership at a time. And I’m not leaving Darden for anyone.

Whatever you choose to do with your Second Life, please try to do the following. Have fun Be responsible and respectful And don’t make assumptions. Do those things and we can all live in bouncy bimbo bliss.